Hello Bloggie Friends! I am joining the community after quietly reading all of your blogs for the last year and a half. I truly look forward to reading your daily posts. I feel like I know so many of you out there, your stories, the triumphs, the let downs, the good days and the bad. I have watched your bellies and babies grow. I have laughed, cheered, prayed and cried with you. I feel it is time to break out of my shell and start my own little blog as a journal to document the road my DH and I just found ourselves on… INFERTILITY!
I want to apologize up front for this long post. I just want to document the time prior to now, so that I will never forget our journey.
I met the love of my life in August of 2007. When he came up to me and said “hello” in his southern accent, I knew he wasn’t from around here (NJ). (Note: Our wedding song is “You Had Me from Hello. So fitting of our relationship.”) We starting talking and hit it off right away. He asked me to dance and exchanged numbers at the end of the night. I told my best friend that I just met my future husband. She laughed at me and told me I was crazy. Well, that is what I surely did that night. I met my partner that was going to be forever by my side in this crazy, wonderful world. We spent every day together from that point on. I put my townhouse up for sale and moved in with him in November 2007. We got engaged in January 2008 and his job took us out to Ohio in March. I resigned from teaching kindergarten after 4 years and moved to Ohio. We came back to NJ for our wedding in August. A whirlwind of a year, but a great one it was!
I came off the pill in November of 2008, to get my body back on a schedule, which it did right away. We started using OPK’s in August 2009 and I got positives each month. In November 2009, I talked to my OBG-YN about it at my yearly appointment. She gave us the normal speech about how for some couples it takes longer. She did give us a SA slip to use in a few months if nothing happened. We put that on the back burner and decided to keep trying before we pursued it any further.
In March 2010, the discussion of a job change started or shall I say continued. My DH was not happy at his current job and started exploring his options. I was very vocal about wanting to back home to NJ. However, the field DH is in is limited on the East Coast. I said my prayers and his old boss whom he worked for previously in NJ contacted him to say there was an opening at the new company he was at. I was elated, overjoyed and excited at the thought of moving back closer to my family. (Note: SA still on back burner)
I was also thinking to myself, “Don’t get ahead of yourself. One step at a time.” Well, he was offered the job and we accepted. We were moving back to NJ! Yippee. Thankfully, we were offered a wonderful relocation package, so they took care of practically everything. On, June 24th we said “goodbye” to Ohio and drove out to NJ. DH started work on the 28th and we move in with my parents as I continued to look for a house and a job. It was just a little stressful to say the least. Thankfully, my parents are amazing and we felt right at home. I always say, “If I didn’t have bad luck, I would have no luck at all.” But on August 2nd I actually really had good luck. I received a phone call telling me I was offered the job that I interviewed for the previous day as I pulled into the driveway of the house I knew was “the one.” It was a short sale but let’s just say that it was an on pins and needles month as we waited for whether our offer was accepted. We submitted our formal offer on August 9th (Happy 2nd Anniversary to us!) and closed on the house on August 31st. Those 22 days were STRESSFUL!
We spent the 1st month remolding, painting, redoing the landscape, and a ton of other stuff. Our furniture was delivered on September 29th. It was like Christmas morning. It’s amazing how I forgot what things looked like and seeing them placed in our new home was so exciting. We are in love with our home (and we have awesome neighbors too!)
So back to the road we are on. On September 10 (after I was really hopeful that cycle), I got my period. (Plus, my cousin just announced she was pregnant the weekend before. Also, my other cousin (her sister) is 9 weeks ahead of her) It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. After I had myself a mini sob fest, I got online and googled OBG-YN practices in my area. I found one and called. The first appointment with the doctor I wanted was the end of December. Hell no I am not waiting to the end of December. I was fighting back tears and she said she would transfer me to her secretary directly. When the secretary answered, she was sweet as pie. After telling my story over again, she showed so much compassion. She got me an appointment for the following Monday and that made me happy. I went to my appointment all ready to get this show on the road. I knew it would be right around the time of ovulation, so I was even more excited. I went and saw Dr. C who was wonderful. Her bedside manner was the best I have ever seen. I felt so comfortable within the first 10 seconds that I knew she was going to listen. She covered all the annual things they do and we talked. She asked me if by any chance DH and I made some lovin’ recently. As a matter of fact we just happen to that morning. (Positive OPK!) Dr. C said good and that she wanted to check something. She did something down there and then put this silver “thing” in a small bowl. She said she was going to go look at it under the microscope. Upon her return, she said she did not see what she wanted for us to have just had some lovin. Heart.Sinks. She says that everything looks/feels great on my end and writes DH a script to have a SA. Heart.Sinks.Deeper. Oh no. Could this gut feeling that I have had for some time now, really be the problem? Now I need to talk to DH about this. When he got home from work, he asked how my appointment went and the discussion went like this…
DH: How was your appointment love?
Me: Good. Dr. C said everything looked and felt great. She does want you to have a SA done ASAP.
DH: Ok but with the turnaround (which means 14 hours a day at work for the next 8 weeks) we might have to wait.
Me: We’ll try and figure something out. Hopefully we can do it soon, because we can’t proceed with anything until then.
Now my brain is spinning. I feel like this SA has been on the back burner for long enough. These long hours at work are not going to keep putting expanding our family on hold any longer. I start checking out what lab place is covered by insurance. I call the lady and ask when they do SA. She proceeds to tell me they send them out with the pick-up at 11am daily. Send them out??? What? Dr. C was very clear that we had to get the “boys” there as fast as possible and to keep them next to our body. This just did not sound right. On October 26, I called back the sweet secretary because now I have her direct extension. Yea for me!! She said that that was not right that I needed to take it to the hospital. I then said the words that I thought (and hoped) I would never have to say. “Can you recommend me to a Fertility Center?” “Sure hunny,” she said. They can do the SA there. I wrote down the number, said “thanks”, and hung up. I stared at the number for a minute or so, said, “Let’s do this.” and called.
I spoke with a nice lady and told her we were recommended by Dr. C to have SA done. Fortunately, she had November 1st open, since that was the day DH said that he would go in a few hours late even though the turnaround was still going on. That took some persistence to have him go in late and patience on my end to have that script in my purse for over a month. I called back two days later and asked if I could set up a consultation for me to come in since I was off that week. I was scheduled for November 5th. Good, I thought to myself. They will have the SA results and we will be able to get this show on the road.
Well on November 1st, we dropped off the SA. The week seemed long but finally Friday rolled around. I went to my appointment as hopeful as one can be. I went into the consultation room and waited for Dr. N to come in. Next thing the door opens and the conversation begins. She proceeds to talk about my history but I quickly said, “Can I please have the results of the SA?” She gave me this look as she was trying to formulate the best way to break the news she was about to tell me. Well, that is what I really want to talk to you about. At this point I can feel the tears starting to swell in my eyes. She turns the paper around and starts to point out how DH is in the normal for all the top categories, then BAM! She says, “No sperm were found in his semen.” What, are you kidding me? Not one. Not a single one. Tears are now rolling down my cheeks. She discusses the different scenarios and recommends my DH goes to an urologist who specializes in MFI. She tells me she wants me to have the HSG and a vaginal ultrasound to confirm that I am good to go. I schedule my HSG for that Monday. I walk out to the car and call the urologist’s office to schedule an appointment. November 17th w/ Dr. M (MFI Urologist). Good. I am one that has to have dates set.
November 8th is the HSG. I was very nervous, but it went as well as I could have hoped. My tubes were clear! Scheduled DH’s 2nd SA for November 17th before our appointment with Dr. M.
On Monday, November 15 just as I am about to take an afternoon nap because I had a headache, my phone rings. It is Dr. M’s office saying that they need to reschedule. I burst out in tears. I have been waiting for this appointment. Everything is a waiting game. She tries to give me an appointment in December. Absolutely not. She can tell I am upset and she says I can come the following Wednesday. I hang up and just sob. I sob because I feel so out of control, sad, scared of the unknown.
Wednesday, November 17th was DH’s 2nd SA. The results confirmed the 1st one. No sperm seen even after configuration. Even though DH didn’t verbally say it, I know he was upset.
On Monday, November 22, I went for my blood work. Wednesday, November 24th was my vaginal ultrasound and DH’s appointment. The ultrasound went great. Dr. V said everything looked fantastic. From there we went to DH’s appointment. I wasn’t too impressed by Dr. M’s bedside manner, or shall I say lack thereof. He took two phone calls in the few minutes he was in with us and when I asked a question he cut me off. He asked me how old I was and when I replied 28 he said, “Oh you have plenty of time.” I quickly told him I did not want him to say that to me again. I was pissed. After we left, DH went to have his blood drawn. At this point it is 10:30 and he had been fasting for blood work since 8 the night before. After this long morning, we came home and napped.
On December 6th, we had an appointment with Dr. S (the head of the FC). I had been contemplating canceling the appointment because we were not meeting with Dr. M (MFI doc) until the 8th. Well I am so glad I kept it. I called and had DH’s blood work results sent over. Dr. S was wonderful. He explained DH’s results and said everything came back in the normal range. Plus his FSH number was low which is very good for our situation. I spoke to the doctor about DR. M’s bedside manner and he said not to take it personally that he has heard this before. I at least feel better that it was just not “me.” He did say he is the best of the best and just hang in there because he’s good.
On December 8th, we met with Dr. M. We brought a sample and confirmed again that there is no sperm. He diagnosed DH with Non-Obstructive Azoospermia (NOA). He said the next step would be sperm aspiration. Dr. M said we could do that along with an IVF(ICSI) or not. DH and I already decided that is what we wanted to do. He went over the three different scenarios for the aspiration. When Dr. M walked out of the room, DH looked over at me and smiled. We gave each other a big hug.
After we walked out of the doctor’s we each headed to work. We drove separate cars. I immediately called over to the Fertility Center. I was eager to hear, “To speak to an IVF coordinator, press 7.” I left a message and she called me back that afternoon. She told me they were waiting for the go ahead from our insurance and to call her once I got my period.
I talked to her yesterday and she said that she wanted me to schedule the IVF class for Thursday (tomorrow). I am patiently waiting for my period that is due today and then they will put me on birth control. I can’t believe this is all really happening.
I am trying to keep myself calm. I pray every night that Dr. M will find some spermies. Please keep your fingers crossed for us.
So there you have it folks… from “Zero to Baby.”
